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LIFE
April 20, 2011
and i never thought that one day money would be the problem.
nevertheless, it's a great chance for me to grow up.
and start to truly take responsibility for myself.
it's so lame how i actually joined IP when i didn't know what it entails.
if i had been in the O level track and went to poly i guess i would've grown up a long long time ago.
it's so, so late to realize now that what i needed wasn't JC education.
i have absolutely no interest in doing business, medicine, law or any profession like that.
FLS once said, what the world needs now is not 師. they already have enough professionals like 工程師, 律師, 設計師 etc etc. what we really need now are 家s. thinkers, inventors, people who unify ideas into a collective whole, and perhaps create something new out of it.
i know im too stubborn to be pushed around.
but my family members just can't seem to understand that.
i'm ready to give everything up and start a new life on my own!
but i can't, because my family needs me now.
i can, but should i?
should i take a gap year,
and gain some experience in the work that i want to do for life?
should i try to earn more money,
so i can support myself in studying what i really want to learn?
should i turn my back against my family,
when i know they're wrong about my life?
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posted by cherntze who was wide awake at
6:36 AM
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April 19, 2011
i'm thoroughly angry with myself.
i'm supposed to be an overachiever.
i've completely wasted these... 6 years?
that's long enough to destroy anyone's life i guess.
somehow i've lost my competitiveness along the way.
so, what my mom have been trying to tell me for years now
actually have some sense in it.
i've let my guards down, completely failed myself and destroyed all the hopes that's been pinned on me since i topped the level became head prefect and got offered the freaking scholarship.
the money mom's invested in me since my pre-school years in piano, painting, mental arithmatic and whatever other shit have been wasted.
not to mention all the opportunities given to me.
emcee, internship, scholarship, leadership, blah blah.
my first prize trophies for karangan are still sitting in the rack.but look!now i can't even form complete sentences when talking to my maid!
my enemies are smiling,
and my beloved teachers are shaking their heads.
i'm supposed to get top grades all the way.
i'm supposed to top every single subject (like someone), for god's sake.
in retrospect... i've disappointed so, so many people.
off to repent and suffer silently in my own hell.
i love you all. bye.
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posted by cherntze who was wide awake at
3:16 AM
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March 8, 2011
too much stuff to blog about!
okay firstly.
my last lesson in nanyang with my lovely sec ones was kinda heartwarming~
112 gave me these HUGE cards full of messages and drawings!
AWW I REALLY LOVE YOU KIDS!! <3
loved the drawings of me haha.
and 109 was so 八卦 but cute and supportive haha.
LOVE MY KIDS A LOT A LOT.
shall come back to NY & find them when I have time to!
hope they won't forget me haha. :DD
teaching is such a fulfilling job (:
now secondly, A level results and uni app!
can I say that except for my CLL results I'm totally fine w the rest!
haha. and i thought i was gonna fail my GP! :DD
but i should have known leh when i chose my combi.
I knew all along that I wasn't gonna study any sci-related courses in uni,
yet i stubbornly refused to give up bio and chem at JC.
so see la! lolol.
i should totally have been in the arts stream.
such a stupid mistake tsk.
but at least i clearly know what i want and what i don't,
and now that i'm at another forkroad i definitely know what to choose.
(:
APPLY APPLY APPLY!
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posted by cherntze who was wide awake at
4:55 PM
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March 2, 2011
no prob xinying, i know i'm not the one who's being dealt with on your tagboard! (:
oh I have to mention what happened.
yesterday i was having a CME lesson.
was teaching the kids the six school symbols, which included
校徽、校旗、校舍、校歌、校服 & 校训.
i got them to tell me what were the six symbols.
and one of them was like, "校长！"
so i laughed and told her, "校长不算，校长是会换的！"
and you know what happened then?
the super nice principal walked by, smiled and waved to the girls.
and i'm quite certain she heard the "校长是会换的"!
so my face was like OMG and all the girls followed my stare outside,
then they started laughing.
but the lesson was enjoyable la in the end.
they were so attentive when i shared the hwachong stories.
and the kids were really good at acting!
sometimes things are just so 巧 though!
lunch with principal tomorrow. see how!
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posted by cherntze who was wide awake at
2:18 PM
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March 1, 2011
went out to meet different classmates for 4 consecutive days (:
friendships are purer and much more beautiful when there are no school, grades or competition.
i love my classmates; girls whom i'm closer to; and those who are not, in any way, calculative, plotting or possessive. love being with xinying they all, yiling, jingjing, chenyi yanjie. :D idk what's happening to emo though, i hope she hasn't decided to give up her friends altogether for her science research! as for my fave guys, i do hope they survive their field camps! they look so... tanned. so different.
twinnn gave me this pretty necklace with a cute headphone pendant! (: and a Gloomy baby from the toy-dozer :D mayan was very teacherish hehe! and she had to rush off for tuition. ate a lot, chatted a lot. then i went to mbs to meet up with mom & mommy for a lovely dinner.
had a wonderful CME lesson today (YAY!) with 110, where the kids were so attentive when I was telling a story I got a shock! :D and even fortunately, got teachers sitting in. haha. i enjoyed myself too. but i seriously gotta train my lungs and voice! maybe i'll kaisheng tmr before i go to school haha.
went out with jing just now! shan't recount how I spent a large portion of my Jan salary (omg), but we had a super awesome dinner at Marche @ 313. the rösti is a must-try! (: and the Marvelous Cream next door was just as awesome with it's whatever fermented cream mango blueberry thing. i just LOVE to try new stuff most of the time it doesn't disappoint (:
and jing's sad hp kena bird shiz! super zhun can. hahahaha.
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posted by cherntze who was wide awake at
1:09 AM
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February 27, 2011
watched the King's Speech today, awesome movie!
haven't really watched an English movie in a long time, was getting used to the commercialised Hollywood ones e.g. romantic comedies.
so the movie today was really refreshing (:
then went to visit my 叔公 and 姑婆, i.e. mom's uncle & aunt.
they're both quite old alr, but they have really clear and wise minds.
mom & mommy got to know so much about their childhood and family through chatting with them.
it was a touching moment when 姑婆 recognized both mom & mommy, despite her poor eyesight, and went on to tell them stuff about themselves that they didn't know about.
she had so many stories to tell, but before she could finish it was past the visiting hours alr and we had to leave! grr.
and 叔公 was so pleased when I proved that I could speak Hakka :D
as it turns out, their version of Hakka is a little different from what I've learnt from mom, and is the more kuazhang but 纯正 version.
but i guess they never really expected our generation to know Hakka at all.
sigh. I hope he gets well soon!
really want to get to know them better.
after all, they're both really really old alr.
and I really think that young people and working adults should spend more time with their older relatives. they really know a lot, so we shouldn't undermine their minds and memory. and through chatting with them we may find a lot of precious facts and wisdoms that would otherwise be lost when they pass away.
老人=宝. it's true.
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posted by cherntze who was wide awake at
12:58 AM
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February 23, 2011
One thing I absolutely HATE is having to entertain someone I don't like. I want to say no but I fear the consequences, so I do it anyway.
I tried you know, to try and accomodate the person, physically & mentally. But I failed because I rly cnt understand what that person's thinking. Either rly immature, or it's the Beautiful Mind kind. But different world apart fr mine.
I hope everyone can b self-conscious so you won't bother others unknowingly.
Sad sad sad.
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posted by cherntze who was wide awake at
12:12 AM
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